going to put my earphones in. close my eyes. put on a pretty song. pretend i'm someplace else in time.
i have a terrible habit of looking too far forward. in jr high, i was concerned with high school. in high school, with college. in college with a career. in a career, concerned about getting married. i wish i could just concern myself with current surroundings. my imagination is too amazing i suppose. i will do my best to relax. focus on the task at hand.
by the by, i never ever thought school was a challenge until i graduated and am now back in a class. this shit is hard.
i wish i could give mochi a cell phone so i could text her and see what's going on with her.
our landlord gave my bike away. it was behind the building and she told some guy to just "take all this junk away"
you better believe i ripped into her.
its what i do.
in an attempt to realign my chi and get my karma under control i would like to type out loud that i will make a very real effort to just let whatever grudge i'm holding against layla go. because i have been nothing but merciless to her and i cut her zero slack. so this is me trying to let go whatever it is that's bothering me and just re... lax....
my poor little patient died the other day. i prefer for my patients not to die. its usually the opposite of my goal. she needed surgery to save her life and she was too unstable to go to surgery. that is all she wrote. her poor little heart just gave out. very sad for her family.
Ottis and I sat down and watched the first episode of six feet under. i really really want to get through that series. im in the process of making a very real attempt at doing it.
i want a garden
and a puppy.
i would ruin a garden :( and possibly a puppy :(

Strippin’ away the layers and reveal your soul
Got to give yourself up and then you become whole
You're a slave to yourself and you don't even know
You want to live the fast life but your brain moves slow
If you're trying to stay high, bound to stay low
You want God but you can't deflate your ego
If you're already there then there's nowhere to go
If you're cup's already full then its bound to overflow
If you're drowning in the water's and you can't stay afloat


probably wont' do the studying that i should probably do...

Come and open up your folding chair next to me
My feet are buried in the sand and there’s a breeze
There’s a shadow, you can’t see my eyes
And the sea is just a wetter version of the skies

Let’s get a silver bullet trailer and have a baby boy
I’ll safety-pin his clothes all cool and you’ll grafitti up his toys
I’ve got a perfect body, though sometimes I forget
I’ve got a perfect body cause my eyelashes catch my sweat
Yes, they do, they do…

Now i’ve been sitting on this abandoned beach for years
Waiting for the salty water to cover up my ears
But every time the tide come in to take me home
I get scared, and I’m sitting here alone
Dreaming of the dolphin song…

Maybe one day you will understand
I don’t want nothing from you but to sweetly hold your hand
Till that day just please don’t be so down
Don’t make frowns, you silly clown

Just come and open up your folding chair next to me
My feet are buried in the sand and there’s a breeze
There’s a shadow, you can’t see my eyes
And the waves are just a frothier version of the skies

There’s a shadow, you can’t see my eyes…

I don't know about anyone else here, but I'm obsessed with food. I'm always thinking about what I want to eat next. I could be full and still sitting at the table after eating and be thinking about what's next. its really terrible. so imagine my misery when I decided it was time to give the weight loss train a jump start and then my obsession intensifies.
if its any consellation I weighed myself today and am back to 172.2 ... only 2 pounds to goal weight number one. fuck its hard.
pinback nov 14
ddr tournament for ottis nov 7
sequoia oct 9
chicago oct 21
very good.

I am often discouraged and frustrated when I can't be my best to everyone that I want to be the best for. I was feeling run down from my week and was supposed to attend a baby shower this weekend. Ottis and I were all dressed and went to go buy a gift and I just thought, gosh I am just so drained I don't see how I can enjoy myself at this thing. so I tell this to Ottis and being the easy going character that he is, does not argue. so we go home, watch a movie and fall asleep on the couch and then go have dinner with chris and layla. I neglected to do Stef the courtesy of letting her know we would not be making it. no amount of words can describe my guilt. she asked me today what happened and I realized I had no good excuse and all I could do is apologize. I feel like such an ass.
what can I do? I should call her and tell her to let me have it. I think we would both feel better. I hope :l
I feel so weird about some people who put so much info on their facebook updates.
saw time travelers wife and district 9 this weekend. neither is for everyone but I do reccomend both.
just saw a scion commercial 'be the original, not the copy, become one of us'. someone is contradictory.
forgot I have all this stuff I wanted to look up online. ill get right on that.

the good news is I'm falling back in love with exercising. we were estranged for a short time but now we are back and kicking strong. the bad news is I weighed myself after 2 weeks and gained another 2 pounds. hoping to lose a solid 10-15 by the end of the year.
I fell back in love with the beach, took probably 2 or 3 summers off for reasons unknown to man.
getting bored with 'the tipping point' it started off quite strong and now its blah. going to read divine secrets of the yaya sisterhood with layla and mel next :)
school starts next week. on the waiting list. dumb. seems like everyone has school woes though.
my patient tonight is a sad case of bad lungs whose been rejected by 3 different facilities for a transplant. it makes all the difference for this poor sweet lady. my prayers are with her.
life is short. and unpredictable. follow your heart but listen to your head.
goodnight neverland

yesterday was 5 year birthday for livejournal.
happy five year birthday livejournal!
here is a picture:




last night and today have been very relaxing. i have done exactly what i have wanted to do: a whole lot of sitting around the apartment. the rest of my night will consist of watching tv and finishing the tipping point. after that i want to read divine secrets of the ya-ya sisterhood.
starting school in 2 weeks how exciting is (not) that?
:D

DO NOT SEE FUNNY PEOPLE.
i'm not even upset about the money lost, just the three hours of my life i'll never get back

Jesus, don't cry
You can rely on me, honey
You can combine anything you want
I'll be around
You were right about the stars
Each one is a setting sun

Tall buildings shake
Voices escape singing sad sad songs
tuned to chords
Strung down your cheeks
Bitter melodies turning your orbit around

Don't cry
You can rely on me honey
You can come by any time you want
I'll be around
You were right about the stars
Each one is a setting sun

Tall buildings shake
Voices escape singing sad sad songs
tuned to chords
Strung down your cheeks
Bitter melodies turning your orbit around

Voices whine
Skyscrapers are scraping together
Your voice is smoking
Last cigarettes are all you can get
Turning your orbit around

on the perpetual verge of a melt down today.
the root?
i have not had enough restorative time.
tonight and tomorrow: i will restore.
we have been watching survivor all stars on dvd. i could not care less about it. out of all the ones i have watched so far i think the most interesting one from beginning to end has been borneo, the first season. pearl islands started out SO GOOD like awesome good and i couldn't believe how terribly it ended.
i want to go see funny people tonight.
i also kind of want one of those dell minis. in red.
one time my mom asked me what a cougar was. i told her. then i told her if she ever needs to know something like that to look it up on urbandictionary.
business shower: An intimate shower taken between 2 persons solely for the purpose of saving time, completely devoid of any sexual connotation.
i like that.
today i paid the expediting fee to be holding my official transcript ASAP so as to take it over to the city college so i can prove i am indeed competent enough to take statistics.
city college does not do business on fridays.
a girl ran in front of my car today for the sole intention of saving a parking spot. parking is not so important to me. though i did weigh the option of just muscling her out of it.
i also told chris today that he has been acting like he does not want to live here. like he wants to be free of his obligation here and he assures me, no i love our place. i will be here more. this he assures me. perhaps melanie would like to live here with chris and i. we can make it work. jack can be here too.
a girl can dream, neh?
i am also frustrated that i have not figured out how to make my facebook main page only show the updates of those that i want to see updates from. ive already missed some from those i love because of other people and all their nonsense. arggh.
ok i think i'm finished complaining.
for now.

woke up on the wrong side of the crouton today.
i hate that.
four day weekend has come to a close and i am staring the face of returning to work. though i think i got off kind of easy because i only work two days this week. that is unless, someone can work for me the 8th then i will be working whenever they dictate. which is better than working on the 8th.
it makes sense to me.
i went on a about a 15 minute tyraid this morning about chris and layla. they are both headed the right way for smart bottoms as a fella might say.
i just want to lie in bed and watch a bill murray movie.
friday- OC fair with Ottis, Matt, Chris and Layla.
you don't even want to know all the kinds of food we ate. i dont even want to think about it. it was awesome.
saturday- shopping and lunch with mom. family dinner= winner winner chicken dinner! drinks music and hot tub with Melita
sunday- beach day! i almost died. ive never seen the waves so violent. the tide was quite high so boogie boarding was impossible. i got knocked over. twice.
BBQ with Tadd Tzlil Chris and Layla and Suki- tadd and tzlils new puppy shes a boxer. she is so cute. she also wants to eat my cat.
monday- i played probably about 7-8 hours of dynasty warriors 6 empires. i wish i was still playing. its addicting.
i still need to get myself squared away to start school this semester. whoops.

we're all fugitives.

2 pound weight gain in one week. I knew the german pancake challenge was going to bite me in the rear.
a new week commences!